Welcome back to the profit builder unscripted. Today we're talking about how do our thoughts ⁓ create our experience and how can we create the experience that we would like. All right, let's jump in.
Last week after leaving lunch with a friend of mine, I found myself really irritated. I felt myself being really judged about something that she said to me. my first reaction was that I wanted to, I kind of like, first of all, in the conversation itself, I sort of wanted to lash out, but this is somebody going through sort of a difficult time. So I just held my tongue.
And afterwards, I just I felt I felt angry and irritated and frustrated. But I also felt really sad, like I was like I was like, all right, what's that about? What's the whole conversation going on in my head about what I am assuming this person how they're judging me and what I remembered as I was sort of ruminating about it on my drive home was I remembered the book that I reread not very long ago called The Four Agreements. And in the first agreement is Be Impeccable with Your Word. ⁓ It's by Miguel Ruiz and is the author of the book.
And he talks about how we talk to ourselves and how we see ourselves and how we address ourselves is really ⁓ the thing that if we want to have a different experience of ourselves in life and if we want to have a different experience in life, that it starts with how we are with ourselves and how we talk to ourselves and about ourselves. so I just kept that sort of thought kept popping into my head of, all right, what is that?
I'm judging about myself right now that I'm assuming that person is judging about me or what is it that I am? What's my internal dialogue that's really going on? Why is this bugging me? Why is it irritating me? What is it that it's triggered in me? Because that was the other thing is that I really thought about it and I thought there's something about however she said what she said in at the moment that ⁓ triggered some, like I said, irritation, frustration in me, but then also some sadness in me. And I got to thinking, all right, like, where did that come from? Like, is this a, was this the first time that I'd had that experience? And I was like, well, no, I think I've probably had that experience before in other moments, other situations. And, and every time during the day, when I found myself getting irritated with her,
And wanting to, you know, wanting to start some story in my head, right? You how we do that, right? Where we start a story in our head about, well, they're this and they're that, and they don't understand this, and they don't appreciate that, and they're just really judgy, and so on and so forth. And those things might be true about her. But I also had to, I kept reminding myself that my experience was my responsibility.
I get to choose the experience I have and that I reminded myself that if I didn't have some internal dialogue, some of my own insecurity, some of my own judginess about myself, that that conversation would not have triggered me. during the day, like I said, just through my irritation, I kept reminding myself of that. And that night before I went to bed,
I just said, you know, I just I was like, hey, universe, like, let me release whatever this is, and let me learn whatever it is that I'm supposed to learn from it. And I do that sometimes before I go to bed, if there's something that I'm ruminating about, or something I want an answer to, I'll just sort of put it up to the universe and go, hey, like, let me let me have some awareness or some understanding. When I wake up, maybe it comes to me in a dream or something like that.
And the next morning when I woke up, I realized that this experience that I was having, forget the circumstances or the words or the situation itself, but the experience of judging myself was something from really long ago and far away that actually a picture showed up in my head of me being in fifth grade. And it was a situation where somebody I was really hurt by something that had happened with a friend of mine. And I was like, it just triggered something from long ago and far away that is just not true about who I am, not true about my life anymore. And it's an old story. And in that moment when I could see how my reaction was a judgment of myself and that it brought up these these old feelings that were not relevant to who I am in my life today, that when I could see it and I could observe it, that I could have then at that moment more choice about my own experience.
And then it was interesting last night while I was watching a show about a football player. It was a three-part episode about ⁓ gosh, I don't remember his name, ⁓ but he was talking about a learning that he had been going through recently, and he said that ⁓ his experience of life is so much. ⁓ He has so much access to so much more joy and so much more connection with other people when he's good with himself, when he's done like when he is when he can appreciate himself more and when he can give himself more grace and more ⁓ care. And I really, as I listened to it, I thought, that's so awesome because it's true, right? Like I think about my experience and my relationships with other people. And the better I am with myself, the better my relationships are with other people, whether that's my family or friends or or colleagues or clients, like the more I can be good with me and have more peace with myself, the more enriching my relationships are with other people. And I'm sharing this with you because one of the things I notice, it's like a conversation I had with this contractor this morning who was...you know, going on about how he wasn't enough of this and wasn't enough of that. And he was being critical of himself. And I said, hold up, man. Like nobody's perfect, right? Like I get that. And I think you just need to give yourself a little bit more grace here and a little bit more credit. What you do is very complicated and you're very skilled at what you do.
Now, do you know everything about everything? No, of us do, thankfully. Otherwise, life would be really boring and we'd never be continuing to learn on our journey. But I said, maybe you could stop for a minute and rather than... And he was comparing himself to somebody else, which I think is always dangerous. I think that when we compare ourselves, we are always setting ourselves up for disappointment, regret, feeling bad.
And it's just not useful. ⁓ you know, I said, what would happen if you just gave yourself credit for being who you are and for what you do know, appreciating that you don't know everything and that there's things that you want to learn. And maybe that person could be a resource for you and learning. But to compare yourself is just not helpful and it's not useful because we're all here on this journey, learning and growing together, and nobody's perfect. And I think that when we can stop judging ourselves long enough to create an opening that that opening creates an opportunity for us to be able to learn and grow, right? If we're so busy judging ourselves, I personally find that if I have an internal dialogue in my head going, well, I'm not smart because this used to happen to me when I was a kid. a lot that I struggled in school because I had this conversation in my head of I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough. still there are moments in life when I'm doing something that's not my area of expertise or not something that I've done enough or, you know, have enough experience in that if I get that dialogue going in my head about I'm not enough that it gets in the way of my ability to be able to learn and grow and move forward in that part of my life. so, you know, my invitation to you today is, you being, first of all, are you being, are you comparing yourself to other people, right? Are you being judgmental of yourself? And how can you give yourself a little bit more grace.
And also how can you notice those moments when you're like when you're having an experience to like stop and go all right what's this really about and how can I maybe make a different choice in this moment or just to keep asking yourself because I find that super helpful keep asking myself the question what's this really all about like why am I really irritated what am I like that question alone sometimes and it you know and it's like I shared a story of me when I was in fifth grade but like sometimes it's just that I was disappointed about something or it was that I was embarrassed about something or something else is going on that has nothing to do with the situation at hand or that there's just more depth to the situation at hand and I just find that when we can do that as human beings when we can ask ourselves more questions about why we're having a particular experience or just notice our thoughts and notice our experience that we can have more choice about it. It's when we can't even notice it and we're just in reaction that I think that it's debilitating to us and I think it holds us back from being able to have the life and the relationships in our life that we desire.
So I just I maybe you'll take something away from this. highly encourage you if you haven't read the book, the four agreements, it's a great book. The first agreement is be impeccable with your word, which has to do with how we are with ourselves. The second agreement is actually I have it right here.
The first agreement is be impeccable with your word. The second one is don't take anything personally. I love that one. Third one is don't make assumptions. And the fourth one is always do your best. So great book really have taught me over the years. I've read it a couple of different times, probably four times. It's always good. And it's always a good refresher. So maybe you'll find that helpful for you too. ⁓
Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and I look forward to seeing you next time on the Profit Builder on scripted.
