The Profit Builder Unscripted

Why Promises Fall Apart

• Episode 41

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This episode is a follow-up to a story I shared recently about a broken agreement with someone I’ve known and trusted for years.

But what stood out most in the aftermath wasn’t just what they did—it was what I could have done differently.

In reflection, I realized that part of the problem was how the agreement was made in the first place.

It reminded me of something I’ve taught for years: expectations are not the same as agreements, and when we confuse the two, we set ourselves and others up for failure.

In this episode, I dive into that lesson and share how I’ve started applying SMART agreements.

Listen now to learn how you can avoid the disappointment and frustration of agreements not kept!

🎧 Included is the link to one of my favorite recordings: Expectations vs. Agreements. It’s a simple but powerful message I keep coming back to time and again that has helped me have better relationships with EVERYONE in my life.

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If you want people to keep their agreements and do what they say they're going to do and follow up more consistently, make sure to listen to this episode because I'm going to give you some tips and follow through all the way to the end because I'm also going to give you a download that's really helpful in making sure that that happens more consistently in your business and in your life. Hi, I'm Vicki Suiter - welcome back to the Profit Builder Unscripted.

Last week I shared with you a story about somebody that I've known for a long time, somebody who's a part of my community, somebody who I've trusted in the past, who had really violated that trust with me by not keeping agreements, like repeatedly not keeping agreements. And part of what I shared at the end of the last recording was just what it is that we do as human beings, as business owners, as leaders, as human beings that

can erode the trust that we have with other people. And one of the things that I shared was that I was gonna go back to this person and have a conversation with them because there's somebody, like I said, that I care about, someone I've known for a long time. And when we finally did have a call and I said, know, hey, can you tell me what's been going on? And he said, gosh, I'm really sorry. And then he started going into this whole long explanation of

all of the reasons and excuses in the stories he had about why he didn't keep his agreements with me and he didn't follow through and he didn't do what he said he was going to do. And the thing that really struck me was he said, you know, I thought that it was our friendship could withstand my irresponsibility. He didn't even say irresponsibility. He said, I think I just figured and I hoped and I that our friendship could withstand this hit.

and that you would understand. And I was really struck by his comment. First of all, I was struck by the fact that instead of really taking responsibility initially for not following through, he just started launching into telling me all the reasons, which instantly, I will just say, I used to work for somebody a long time ago, a woman by the name of Betty Sproul.

brilliant human being. And I remember her saying to me one day, you know that a good story does not equal a results or a good enough reason does not equal a result. So you coming in and saying to me all the reasons and all the excuses that you have about why you didn't get something done doesn't get it done. And it's not an excuse for not having it got done. Like take responsibility for you just didn't get it done.

 I'll never forget that conversation I had with her all those years ago. And it's something that I've carried with me all of these years. And, you know, and as I was further having this conversation with this associative mind and somebody I considered to be a friend, I said, can I give you some coaching? And he said, sure. And I said, let me explain the definition of responsibility to you. Responsibility is the ability to respond.

It's not shame blame fault. It's just simply the ability to respond. And I said, if you had called me ahead of time and just said, you know what, I am in the middle of a mess and I know I said I was going to have this to you, but I can't have it to you. Can we push this back two weeks? I said, I would have been completely fine with it. I understand life happens.

And we all have that happen, right? Like we have stuff that happens to us. And even as I thought about recording this recording, I'm like, why am I so compelled to want to continue to share this story with you? And a lot of it has to do with the fact that I keep getting this thought of, you know, we work so hard. We work so hard in our lives to just, we do, we work hard. whether that's...

you know at work or in our personal lives or like just the demands we put on ourselves like In I in what I know Fundamentally is that there is not any human being walking the face of the earth Who wakes up in the morning and says to themselves? Gosh, how can I screw up today? How can I mess up today? I don't know anybody who wakes up like that and

We're not all taking like really big hills about the next thing that we want to do. But what I do know is that none of us wants to be a failure. And you know, when I even said this to this friend of mine, said, you know, I'm really clear that this is not the identity that you want to create in the world. I'm really clear that you want to be respected and valued for what you do and who you are and, and the intelligence that you have. Cause I know that you're a really smart guy.

And there's a lot of great stuff that you could bring to this relationship and that you bring to people every day. I have no question about that. I said, what's really a bummer is that you and I have a relationship and we're having this conversation because I care about you. I said, but there's many other people who would not have this conversation with you. They would just blow you off. They would say, hey.

No, thanks, can't, this isn't the right time, I can't afford it. Like all the stories that people give us about why they don't want to engage with us. And so here's what I know. I know that you wanna do a good job in your world and in your life. And I know that you don't get up out of bed in the morning and neither do I and go, wow, how can I mess up? Now, do we mess up? Absolutely, it's the condition of being a human being.

We mess up, we make mistakes, we screw up, we break agreements, we miss the mark. That's just, that happens. But what do we do in the face of it is really what matters. And it was this whole way this conversation started that I thought, what's the lesson that we can take from this? What's the learning?

that will help us as we move forward. How can I support you as you listen to this and you watch this? It's like, what is something that can help in terms of how we make agreements and then how we keep agreements? And one of the things that I have shared in the past is a recording by a guy by the name of Steve Chandler. He's an outstanding business coach and well-respected.

who many years ago recorded this 30 minute podcast called Expectations Versus Agreements. And in the recording, he shares about how powerful it is when we actually make explicit and specific agreements with each other versus implied agreements, and how to get more consistent results from other people.

You know, and I was thinking about it and I'm actually dropping a link to this recording below that I would highly encourage you to listen to. I've listened to it dozens of times. I get something different out of it every time. And mostly what I've gotten out of it is how it so many times will apply to a situation in my life, a relationship, whether it's business, personal with my kids, my husband, my siblings.

my friends, like, what is a way that I can make better agreements with people that are really agreements and not implied expectations? Because what I notice is that when I make more explicit agreements, I have less disappointment because I'm not making assumptions. And in this situation with this friend of mine, I got to thinking, did we have an explicit agreement?

In some ways we did and in some ways we didn't. We had an explicit agreement about a date and a time, but there was this fuzziness about the what and it wasn't in writing. so for myself, I looked at it and I went, okay, how could I have handled that differently in the future? Like, could I have put in writing and said, can we confirm that you're gonna have this and this and this by this date?

And before we hung up that meeting and that first phone meeting saying, hey, when will you have that invite and that sheet to me? And one of the things that happens when we, and we didn't do that, and I think it left a little bit of slippery slope for not keeping that agreement. And so, you know, for myself, I looked at it and I went.

All right, let me take a chapter out of my own book about personal responsibility, the ability to respond. How could I have handled that differently at the front end to have made a better agreement, a smarter agreement? And there's this acronym, and you may have heard of this called SMART agreements. They're specific. They're measurable. There's clear accountability. We know exactly who's going to handle it. They're realistic and they're time-driven. And what I find is that

When I make agreements that are specific, measurable, there's clear accountability of who's going to do it by when, realistic, meaning if I say I'm going to have it done by the end of the day, but I know I can't. This friend of mine made some unrealistic agreements, but not only were they unrealistic, there were some missings in terms of the specificity of it and the measurability of it.

And so I got to look at that and go, okay, how can I make, how can I take a chapter again out of my own book? Cause I talk about this all the time about making better agreements. And the thing that I also got to thinking about is what helps me in keeping my agreements again, applying that same principle is that when I'm in a meeting with somebody and I say at the end of the meeting, we go over like,

What did we say we going to do? Who's accountable for it? And by when are you going to have it done? That the more those agreements are specific, measurable, there's clear accountability, they're realistic and they're time-driven. When I make agreements like that at the end of meetings, when I have something I said I'm going to do by a particular time, the more I say, I'm going to have it done by here and here's what I'm going to do, and I ask other people to do the same.

What I find is the more consistently agreements get kept, but also it really helps me with time management. So when I'm really clear about what I've agreed to and I've given myself a deadline date or I have an agreement about a deadline date, now it starts to move into a different realm of, it's no longer sort of like just another thing on my to-do list.

Now when something else comes into the sphere of, hey, there's this other thing that somebody's asked me to do or I'm about to make an agreement on, I go, what do I know are other agreements that I've made so I don't make unrealistic agreements? Or what I sometimes affectionately called jerky promises. Jerky promises are, I can't possibly get that done by then because there's only 24 hours a day and I already have other commitments that are gonna come first.

And a lot of times I think that, you know, what this comes down to for us too, is that we want to be a yes to people, right? We don't want to say no, or that even with our team that we have, we make these like veiled demands because we want it done how we want it done, as opposed to really giving space for somebody being willing to say no to us. And so then this all ties into two, like,

All right, how are we being in terms of how we make agreements with other people in our lives? Again, whether it's our bosses, our clients, our employees, our kids, whoever, spouses, like how are we making agreements? And when we can make better agreements that are realistic, they're specific, they're measurable, they're time-driven, there's clear accountability. The more we can do that, I find

the more peace I have in my life because it's no longer, you the other thing I noticed about this friend of mine in this conversation was I could tell he was in agony and not just because he knew he was gonna have this conversation with me and it was gonna be uncomfortable because he had to like cop to the fact that he totally blew it. But it's like, I could tell he's overwhelmed and I'm like, I said, you know, I gotta think I'm not the only person in the world that this happens for you, happens with for you.

And it's got to be a little bit daunting. Like, I know for me, and maybe you can relate to this, that if I have a lot of unfinished business or I have a lot of like broken agreements or like things that are not clean in my relationships with other people, which includes broken agreements, not doing what I say I'm going to do, or this long list of incompletes, it's...

overwhelming. And then I noticed for myself that it occupies an enormous amount of time and energy just in having like in processing it and holding it and angst and all those other things that are unpleasant. So what's the way around it? What's a way to have a different experience is to go back to what I was saying about make agreements that are specific, they're measurable, there's clear accountability, they're realistic and they're time-driven.

that you start to have a what and a by when and don't make agreements that you can't keep. Be willing to say no and renegotiate agreements before they're broken agreements. Again, stuff happens, life happens, we all mess up sometimes, but how do we get in front of it so that we don't have broken agreements, so that we're not carrying all this angst and anxiety with us?

before it's a broken agreement, if you know you're gonna be late for a meeting, if you know you can't get that bid in on time, if you know that you're going to not be able to fulfill on something the way that you thought, renegotiate it before it's already passed, before you've now got a broken agreement that you have to go clean up. That takes lots more energy. And give yourself some grace. This is a practice.

I will tell you that this, you know, many years ago I lived in a world where, I'll never forget this, I was in my 20s and I worked for a bank and I was perpetually late. And I'd be driving to work and I'd be putting on my makeup, drinking a cup of coffee while I'm driving, mind you. I was in my early 20s, I was kind of stupid. But I would be like...

you know, all the way to work, I would be thinking of this story I was gonna tell about why I was late. And there was always sort of this angst. Now, did I wake up in the morning and go, wow, how can I be a screw up today? No, I didn't, nobody does. But it was like in that time of my life, I kind of like, I was always late. I was never showing up on time. And...

it started to erode relationships and trust in just little ways. People would laugh and they'd go, oh, it's Vicki time. That means she's not going to be here. She said she was going be here at 5. She'll be here at 5.15, maybe 5.30. And you understand this was also pre-cell phone days, so there's no texting somebody or calling them. We're very lucky now. We have technology that lets us stay in front of it.

And I will say it was during a training that I did, LifeSpring trainings for anyone who knows that company many years ago in Northern California. And it was during those trainings that I really started to have a different relationship with my agreements and how I made agreements and how I kept promises. And also, you know, there's a thing about growing up and being more responsible. But sometimes those habits just kind of stick with us. And

So I appreciate the experience on both sides of it, I guess is my point. And what I know about you and what I know about us is none of us wakes up in the morning and looks up and goes, wow, how can I not keep my agreements? How can I mess up today? How can I whatever? That is the thing that nags at us that creates anxiety and stress for us. So how can we manage our time better?

Make SMART agreements. How can we make better agreements? I highly encourage you to listen to the recording Expectations vs. Agreements that I have dropped a pin to below. It's a great recording. Like I said, I've listened to it dozens of times. I always get something different from it every time because there's always something going on in my life that it's usually applicable to. And the other thing I encourage you to do is share it with your team. I've seen...

Teams completely transformed by having this be like there was this thing that they used as a way of starting to make better agreements with each other and making SMART agreements with each other. So check it out. See if that is helpful and useful to you. And before we close, I just want to offer also that if you're somebody who is looking to grow your business, you're looking to

Increase your profitability. Maybe you're looking to grow a stronger, more accountable team. You're looking to build more profitability in your business and you would like support in being able to do that, then I encourage you to set up a call with me so that I can share with you some more of the details about the Contractors Collective. The Contractors Collective is an amazing program of a peer group of contractors that

We meet once a month and we share ideas and resources. You also get training with me and coaching with me one-on-one. So if you're somebody who just maybe has interest in it, you wanna learn more, the link is below for scheduling a call with me, and I'm happy to hop on a call and tell you more about it and share all the details with you. All right, thanks for being here. Thanks for being part of this community.

and I look forward to seeing you next time on the Profit Builder Unscripted.


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Vicki Suiter

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